do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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