She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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