Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
