ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
