Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You made out with two different species that night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
