You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
