Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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