I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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