maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
