We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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