Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
