so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
