I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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