SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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