I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
