When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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