Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
