Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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