Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
