That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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