I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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