so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
