Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
