I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
