so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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