a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
