the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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