Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
