his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't notice because vodka
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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