Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
