I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its not stalking. its research.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
