On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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