He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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