Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
