I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
