kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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