now i know why i became what i already was.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
