I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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