STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
