he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
