His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm like, not good at living.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
