You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
