everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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