I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
