I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we're making bets on your personal life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
