Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
