Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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