True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
