Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
