im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
