I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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