Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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