thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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