Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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