Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
