Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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