i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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