I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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