Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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