Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
