What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize