This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
