i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
