My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
