I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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