Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
