i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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