He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
