i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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