Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we should paint friendship bongs
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